my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
