Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
