I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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