According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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