We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
