i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
