I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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