So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
