So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
