I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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