Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
