i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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