The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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