you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
