Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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