we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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