so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
