My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
