He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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