Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
