I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
