I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
