Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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