we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
