i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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