Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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