Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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