Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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