I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
