we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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