From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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