I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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