in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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