Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
