Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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