This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize