I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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