tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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