Don't make out with my wife yet
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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