He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
