i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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