I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
