So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
