did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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