I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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