I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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