Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
