now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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