come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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