Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
