There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
