Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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