She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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