life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize