What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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