dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
