I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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