The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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