He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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