should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
