She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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