Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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