you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
