They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
