It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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