Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
